Bon Jovi - All about loving you

I love this song though this is not on my list of fave... and i LLOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEE this vid..

this vid makes me smile everytime...:)

"For all the words i didn't say.. and all the things i didn't do.. tonight i'm gonna find a way..
I'm all about loving you"

FEBRUARY 17, 2008

“that day was a let down.. but I survived still.. isn’t it amazing?
– it’s when I hurt the most I swear I’m okay --”

We had that CFC Cluster Assembly in my Hometown and what a day it was.. I was like dragged by my parents (since they are active cfc members) to join so even if I don’t like to (coz I know cfc members are the only ones attending those kind of churva).. i just attended… beforehand, I texd my sfc friends to join so that it won’t be boring.. Some of them replied yes.. and at 1 plus pm, I was already there and all the participants were CFC members (as expected).. I felt like crying.. “what on earth am I doing here”?? I didn’t bother to go inside the conference room for the activity and boy was I glad that my parents were busy they weren’t able to notice my absence in the area.. I just made tambay outside and took the liberty of admiring nature once again and I took some pixes..

I pitied this dying leaf.. it needs some TLC. “rain, won’t you pour down on me?” it says.

This is just a very ordinary path.. but it looks nice and somehow, there’s more to it than meets the eye…

This pic of the plant clinging on to the wall reminds me of how people often use other people to be able to climb up the ladder of success… how annoying is that?!

Well, moon and sun.. they really have that certain effect on me.. it’s like a fixation.. hek hek.. and my mother always says people who like those have certain brain defects.. well, what do you know Ma.. maybe I have one.. ha ha ha!

In reality, this is very ‘ew’ looking.. but look at it closely, isn’t it a very picture of how GOD’s creation should be admired? People always ask for miracles everyday but these things.. like the sun setting down or those ripples like in the pic, are miracles that people just did not pay to notice at all.. these things are what made our black&white lives colorful enough to live by..

I do not know how to use photoshop or those other churva to edit pixes so to have an effect, I just moved my phone after hitting the click button to capture and it did not succeed in giving the effect that I want but I don’t like my effort to go to waste so might as well just post this pic also.. hek hek...

Behind that blurry picture of some budding flower is a nice and full bloomed one.. sometimes, it is better to look beyond inorder to see something nicer.. better..

These kids are not kfc members or kids of cfc members…
they are just kids present in the area.. they look kindda cute playing without a care in the world.. and they are so yagit.. but they are still nice to look at..
Innocent and Sweet.. like LIL ANGELS who took off their wings for just a day to be with us mere mortals and to shed some goodness in this messed up society of ours..

Okay.. enough of those senti churva about those pixes.. finally.. after 2 hours..
imagine that?!! 2 long, agonizing hours of being alone with those plants and GOD knows what else.. sfc members have decidd to show up.. and all we did?
Well.. we just made chika outside.. did not bother to listen even a bit of the talk inside the conference room.. *evilness*
a stolen shot.. hi hi hi.. they did not notice at all..:)

Inside the conference room..
the cfc members.. so engrossed with the talk..
engrossed or… maybe they are sleeping because it is b-o-r-i-n-g.. joke..! sorry LORD..:)

A picture of Atan’s cp.. his phone if only it could talk..
I bet it will scream and wail to have the care and attention it badly needs from its owner..

“The activity is now coming to an end” … cfc members gave praises..

The sfc members? Well.. still on to their chikahay ever

Ug ni-pose na jud cla..

“Carms.. picture beh.. sayang au amo pamorma ron tapos walai mga sisters na taga lain dapit.. pulos ra taga-catmon..”

Nah hala.. cge.. smile mo Do!!!!
Pagpasenxahi na lang nnu ang mga dagway namo, sa taga-catmon na sisters.. puol na au noh.. nyahahahahaha…!

Ready to go…

“Ma, Pa, pwede q bilin usa with the sfc members? Ari pa cla venue, ga-chika gihapon.. huhuhu.. kuyog lang q nila.. waaahhh!!! Cge nah.. mag-binut-an q for a week..” joke

Ug sa dihang wala madala hangyo oi.. *sniff*
I wonder what they will do pa ddto sa venue.. (????) bad trip
On the way home…

And that day has ended.. like I said.. that day was a let down.. but it is okay.. and why it was a let down? Kay wala q kita sa bag-o na Naruto Shippudden, na-delete my Supernatural downloads and wala pa jud mokuyog berlang kay nag-date.. hmp! waahh.. joke lang.. hek hek..


It has been days since the last time I updated this blog.. or even visited this nine-tailed churva.. because I’ve been contemplating.. mau gain wala mauwi sa suicide ang pag-contemplate..nyahahaha.. seriously, I read the entry before this.. the one on valetines and I feel bad.. I wanna delete that entry.. it is so negative and so not right to talk about love and about people that way.. love should be remained a mystery and shouldn’t be analyzed.. It’s Mysterious and not even those Science Icons can give light to it and I guess that’s the beauty of it..

..but I guess that entry will stay to remind me never to speak ill of love again..

iNEEDyou coz iLoveYou... or iLOVEyou coz iNeedYou? (Happy Valentine's Day)

Just a few more hours to go and it is February 14..! Happy Valentine's Day everyone..!!

I've been sitting on my chair while doing this routinely job and my mind has been drifing off to somewhere. After each call i make, the valentines thingy makes me wonder and i asked myself... Is there really LOVE? Or is it just a creation of the mind because mankind needs companion? It got me thinking.. when you feel like you are in love, you can say to yourself.. 'well, i am in love..' because you can't stop thinking about the person... you care for the person.. you want to take care of the person... but come to think of it.. DO YOU THINK OF THAT PERSON because you LOVE the person OR BECAUSE YOUR MIND TELLS YOU and your body just REACTS to what you're mind has been telling you? The Human Mind is unexplainable that no one on this planet can fathom its complexities.

Imagine yourself having someone you think you are in love with.. Of course, you wanna be with the person any time of day and if you are the mushy kind.. you constantly think of ways on how to strengthen your relationship with that person.. you also even think of how your wedding and marriage should be.. how many kids you two should have.. etc. But lemme ask you.. time comes when that person by fate or destiny, gets taken away from you.. you two breaks up.. i bet you would be crying a river, lamenting over and over and saying 'i can't live without you.. you are my life..' blah, blah, blah.. and all that churva..! WHY ARE YOU SAYING that you can't live without that person?? Are you really crying because the person is no longer with you and you are in love with the person, you wanna spend your life with the person... ?? etc... BUT THEN AGAIN.. WHY???

My answer is because YOU NEED the person to be with you because of what you feel. You can't live without the person..?? HELL! What if i'll tell you to just jump off the building and put an end to your miserable fucked-up life.. would you do it just cos that person is no longer with you?? I bet NO.. unless if you are really a lunatic.

The keyword people is NEED.. Because you NEED that person, you think of that way...

For me, if mankind is not designed to need other people, is not designed for companionship.. LOVE (for others) will never be felt. LOVE exists because WE NEED someone to be with and in the process.. we think WE HAVE LOVED the other person when TRUTH is.. WE JUST LOVE OURSELVES.. and to give OURSELVES the satisfaction, we think we LOVE others when we just NEED them FOR OUR OWN BENEFITS.. I know, it is harsh.. but that is the way it is.. MANKIND IS SELFISH and HYPOCRITE.. (yeah, amen to that essay project made by 1 of my 1st cousins about hypocrisy..)

We are just PEOPLE after all... We are not perfect.. far from it actually.

It is nice to hear 'I need you because I love you..' but i know better.. in reality.. it really is the opposite. What you really are feeling is 'I love you because I need you..' Your mind just play tricks on you. But it is okay, just be tricked. It is okay to be happy with what you are thinking anyway. What matters is that you are happy.. right.

My conclusion is LOVE exists.. but not in the way we think. There is no LOVE like 'i love you so much..i can't live without you'.. or 'you are my only love.. i love you forever' kind of LOVE. Huh! Might as well say 'i love you because i love myself and i don't want to be alone..' now that is what we call as being real.. hek hek..

Neverthless, hAPPY hEART'S day to those hypocrite ones out there.. (i guess, that includes me coz i also think i am in love)

team kakashi.. (reverse mortgage acc)

reverse mortgage acc...! walai calls guys?? bitaw, break sa noh..:) the team kakashi of VS 'sakura-nerak' karen, 'carms_naruhina' that would be me.. the sasuke of the group (maskin i don't like him but nauna na c ma shei angkon ug naruto).. 'naruto_sen' ma shei and 'kakashi-sensei' ron

VID MADE ALMOST A Year AGO..

i have a biggie, major, huge atraso to my bitchy Feebee Tinks..She did all the hassle to make this vid of me and my soon to be husband Jared Padalecki but haven't shown any appreciation towards my bitch ever!! well, Tinks, thanks a million..! i love yah my bitch! thanks also for posting this on my friendster comments churva (sorry, coz i've viewed this on friendster 5 months after you have posted this vid..naks!) i also like the song you have chosen.. HE LOVES ME... i really think he does. TOINK! (pagmata Carms, Jared does not even know you..nyahahaha)
go SUPERNATURAL! Itaob ang Heroes.. no offense to all fans sa Heroes, including u, Tinks:)

hapi bday!

this one is a bit late.. but this has been sent on my birthday via email from feebee.. one of my loved bitches.. anyway, haven't got the chance to post this very touching vid of her cute pamangkin singin hapi bday in german and english.. tinks, high IQ man sad ni bataa guro noh.. well, watch out.. she will be one of the most wanted bitches unya if ma-full grown na xa.. kay asa pa man d i maliwat dba:)

full Slide Show.. SMILING is indeed infectious

a sad POEM

December comes along with sadness...

Truly drivin my mind to madness...

Missin' you, this torment drags on...

Bouncin' back and forth like evil's spawn...

Holding on sometimes is a suicide...

Givin' your soul a surreal ride...

Heart can hardly go on, but givin' up i won't do...

Coz my heart finally is awake, regrets only lead to being blue...

I have never said that i could change the world...

But for love, i'll go beyond the end of the spectrum 'till my heart grows cold...

QUOTES I'D LIKE TO SAY TO YAH...

'i really do.......'

'i just wanna be real coz at the end of the day, what matters is what you feel.. not what others think because you can fool anyone but yourself... and m not one of those f*ckin masochists around..'

'yeah.. right you are.. too bad you are freakin 6 feet under.. but you are still famous anyway..!'

'that's what i'll surely do'

'yeah? tell me about it...'

'it's okay to be insanely in love i guess... who cares about what other ppl thinks?!'

'..wtf..?! this is sad.. tragic... i hope everything's not too late.. i hope everything's not too late.. i hope everything's not too late..'

'and everything about him... is everything to me'

'yo..! better listen..'

'and for that, i want to thank you... even if sometimes what you do that makes me smile is not intended for me.. whatta..! m one f*ckin loser.. somebody please kill me'

'amen to that'

'nice one..'

'*sigh*'

'yeah.. i wish.. i hope.. i pray.. i love this quote..-- i want to be able to point across the room and say, he is sitting right over there and then sitting right next to him while giving him butterfly kisses..'

'm living it.. even if sometimes.. you cannot put into words the moments you are living cos they are so freakin bad.. you wanna shoot somebody'

'damn right.. and you will have a hard time sleeping..'

'so true...'

'..you don't want to be someone psychotic enough to live do yah??! so don't try to be me.. it's way too hard..'

'coz.. m not one of those what you see is what you get..'

'i coudn't argue with this one.. hahahaha! i may be a bitch but m the best bitch in town.. and i personally hate bitches but i love mine (me and my girl friends)'

i thought...***** -- well, that's what i thought...

today i saw an ANGEL i haven't seen for quite some time...
that ANGEL thinks i have grown...

and then that ANGEL speaks...

"speak again my bright ANGEL...."

i then gave praises to the MOON...
shining so bright on that night...

want to know MORE ABOUT ME...?

[1.] Where was the first time you ever kissed the last person you kissed?
love was the reason i kissed that person... and i don't intend to spill the beans... ours is too sacred for that...


[2.] What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
i saw an ANGEL... metaphorically speaking of course...


[3.] How many TRUE best friends do you have?
aside from my parents and G**.. i guess there is only one...


[4.] Would you rather get up early or sleep in?
it depends... if i am happy then i want to be up early but if m feeling suicidal.. i'd rather choose the latter.


[5.] Tell me about the shirt you're wearing?
yellow sleeveless.. given by my mom last year... one of my favorites...


[6.] What would you change about your life right now?
so many.. but i'd rather not change it.. i believe all happens for a reason..


[7.] Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth?
smile over what's true... (pwede???)


[9.] What's on your bedroom floor right now?
probably some dirt and stuff...


[10.] Who's the last person you got into argument with?
myself


[11.] Do you trust people?
nope... i don't even trust myself


[12.] If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move?
heaven...


[13.] My favorite number?
numbers.... 8, 4, 2, and 7


[14.] Could you go a day without breathing?
WTF?! what if i'll ask you the same question.. how does that sound??


[15.] How much do looks matter to you in a guy/girl?
only a little if that person really has something else better than looks...


[16.] Do you like anybody right now?
Y--- E--- S--- S....!!! (too bad it seems like he does not see me at all)


[17.] When was the last time you had your hair cut?
last f*ckin year


[18.] Would you rather be mad or sad?
mad coz m always sad...


[19.] Does it take a lot to make you cry?
hell NO..! i can even cry over some dumb dead cockroach


[20.] Whats the best feeling in the world?
being loved by the person you are in love with...


[21.] Are you close with your mom?
yah.. yah... yah... to the extent that she knows half of my deadliest secrets.. and she did not puke!


[22.] Are your parents strict?
to the nth power..!!!


[23.] Do you tell your parents everything?
like i said... they know half of my deadliest secrets...


[25.] Name one fear you have.
living without my parents


[27.] Does the thought of marriage scare you?
no.. but the thought of marriage without love does...


[28.] How many kids do you want?
max of 1, minimum of 1


[29.] What's your favorite color to wear?
yellow and other light colors...


[30.] Who was the last person in your bedroom?
me and my alter ego


[31.] What are you doing today?
i don't know... it'll come


[32.] Would you rather be rich & sad or poor & happy?
stupid question...! i'd rather be dead than choose between those 2 freakin choices...


[35.] Do you get bored easily?
depends.. if my heart is not set for that something.. then i'd surely get bored...


[36.] What's something that someone can do that really bothers you?
anything... it all depends upon my mood...


[37.] Did you ever want to change your name when you were younger?
yah.. i like to be called margarette or cassie...


[38.] Do you wish you were famous?
sometimes but when i see Brit.. i'd rather not be famous...
[(not that she's a neg model for everyone though girls should not follow her example.. but let's just be considerate and give her a break.. after all, she's just a girl, not yet a woman.. joke:)
she's just a person with confused heart and mind.. (naka-relate??hihi)]


[39.] Do you make a wish at 11:11?
huh?? should i do that??


[41.] Who's the last text message you received from who and what did it say?
from my cousin's ex bf saying that a friend of his thinks i am his new girl and that i rock!!!:)


[42.] What are you freakishly obsessed with 3's, everything is counted in 3's?
i think they are cute


[43.] What's your favorite song at the moment?
SHE BELIEVES IN ME by Ronan Keating


[44.] Do you like going to the mall to shop or just shopping online?
i don't have visa or mastercard to shop on line.. hek hek


[45.] Can music affect your mood?
greatly


[46.] What piercings do you want?
ear piercing


[47.] Have you ever been in a cave?
yah... twice... but not in a horrific way.. we had that camping churva... 'twas a bit fun


[48.] What's bothering you?
my heart... myself...


[49.] If this was your last day on Earth, and you had to spend a full eight hours at work, what would you do differently?
I'd tell my parents how much i love them... say a prayer for everyone and go to that person whom i am inlove with.. let everything out.. and spend my last hours with that person.. no matter how far or how hopeless the situation maybe... while eating loads of chocolates and ice cream... lol


[50.] Would you like to have more relationships in the same time?
what for.. when only one person matters..


[51.] What should you have to make him love you forever?
i dunno.. this is a hard one.. i personally like 'him' to love me for me


[52.] What flowers would you like your guy to offer you?
sunflower... my fave flower. f*ck those roses..!


[53.] Do you think that you and your guy have met before, in another life?
who knows... but i'd like to think yes... and i hope we will still meet in the next lifetime


[54.] Are you and your ex still friends?
i believe it is bad to burn bridges... yah!!!!


[55.] What song reminds you of your special person?
i think when you are in love, all love songs remind you of that certain someone...


[56.] What are the three things you are doing regularly that don't serve or support you?
thinking about how i hate love.. realizing later on that i don't hate love.. and thinking of ways on how to hate love and be numbed.. @#$%$%^!


[57.] What's one thing you would love to do before you die?
like i mentioned above... spend my remaining hours with the person i love..


[58.] What could we work on right now that would really put a smile on your face?
i'd rather not give an answer to this coz i believe this takes time.. i will leave everything to fate..


[59.] What do you really, really want?
i just want to be happy...


[60.] What are three of your greatest strengths?
i have faith in GOD.. i have faith in myself.. and i believe in love


[61.] What is your life really about? What is your purpose?
to be honest.. i dunno.. i am still seeking answers..


[62.] What would you like most to be acknowledged for so far in your life?
i just want my love to be reciprocated... (is it too much to ask for?)


("v")..........("v")..........("v")..........("v")..........("v")..........


NOTHING'S GONNA CHANGE MY LOVE FOR YOU...

If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long With you I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love before But it never felt this strong
Our dreams are young And we both know they'll take us Where we want to go
Hold me now Touch me now I don't want to live without you

Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you

If the road ahead is not so easy,
Our love will lead the way for us Like a guiding star
I'll be there for you if you should need me
You don't have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are
So come with me and share the view I'll help you see forever too
Hold me now Touch me now I don't want to live without you

Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you

("v")..........("v")..........("v")..........("v")..........("v")..........

FEBRUARY 3 - 4 update

(FEBRUARY 4, 2008....)

Earlier on today (Feb 4), i attended a mass and welcomed this day with renewed faith.. and i silently thanked those people who sent touching birthday greetings via sms, email and phonecall.. tonight, before this day ends.. i will make it a point to extend my warmest appreciation to them via text..

Yesterday, February 3 was an amazing Sunday... Normally, i sleep like a log on Sundays but that day was different. I really couldn't bring myself to sleep no matter how i tried so eventually i gave up. I scanned the dvds and the movies i was able to download but i couldn't decide which one i should watch to buy some time.. the house was pretty boring and my parents were having that session thingy with the CFC members.. 'twas tempting to make apas so i made up my mind to make halo with the olds and took off but instead of going to the venue, my feet brought me to the church and some of my Catmonanon friends were there but i didn't feel the need to join, i wanted to be alone (i enjoy solitude so much that it gets scary sometimes.. am i normal?).. so i sat outside the church and i let everything sink in.. the air really was nice and everytime it kiss lightly to my skin, i feel a sense of tranquility. 'Twas a time of contentment.. feeling a light breeze, watching cloud formation and elegant butterflies teasing you with their bright colors while taking pics, listening to selected music and watching funny flicks with my beloved cp (eventhough the model is no longer included in the new era, i wouldn't want to trade this for new ones ever..). When the song Sana Maulit Muli by Gary V. played on.. tears escaped my eyes, my heart gave a crack and bled like hell. God! I really need help. He sings like he feels the song and you'll be moved completely. I then was having that senti moment and i whispered a prayer from the heart.. Of course, the beauty of nature still made me feel better and serene afterwards. Thank Goodness!

Okay... time for me to work... Goodbye Feb 4.. just 2 and a half more hours before 12 midnight..!