An ENTRY for my bitchy Feebee Tinks

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

My Bitch...! viewed your blog and i love this.. can't let this one be posted on your blog lang... copied it.. bleehhh... thanks... great pixes! iloveYou..! and the song.. our themesong..:) Together in Electric Dreams.. (baduy au ta themesong muh beytch noh..pero carry man..)

And this entry of yours on your blog on the 3rd of March...

"finding out the hard way.....

some things (or people) just keep slipping right out of your hands no matter how tight you grip. there are just some things in this life that are not meant for you no matter how hard you work for them. fate is sometimes selfish. the worse part is that we get to realize these things at the end where taking it is harder. but seriously, there is no point in beating yourself up for anything. this is why we learn to let go. it makes it easier if we admit that some things are just beyond us. that we couldn't have done it any better because it is just not part of our life's blueprint. it was not for us to keep or hold on to. it was just an aftermath of an accident. maybe you were at the wrong place at the wrong time once. or maybe you were right where you needed to be, but you did not see what you had to because you were looking at the wrong direction. simple mishaps like that. but you know how simple mistakes can take much of a bigger toll on people. the punishment, as aerosmith put it, doesn't always fit the crime. so you bear an extreme form of ache as you finally let go. let it slip freely like water dripping out of your hands. and you put on a mask.................... you smile..."

hhmmm... the pain is there.. so honest... i know you are mending a broken heart but m here lang ha.. and always remember that my heart is grabe ka-broken than yours.. so cheer up.. you're not alone my bitch..! At least you know at one point in your life, he feels the same way towards you unlike my story.. freakin one-sided ra jud...

"..you know i'm such a fool for you.. you got me wrapped around your finger..." --- linger, cranberries... (now i know why you like this song...)

Marked this day... m glad i was able to spend 2 hours wit you despite of the hectic sked... accidentally tho...

BRATZ March 20 churvaness

Ma Shei, Me and Jinx.. where in the hell is G???

G.. lingkod lang ang show.. me and M Shei with Nilvz, Ron and Wendell... Jinx is missing..

Bratz completo ang show.. Jinx, G, Ma Shei and me..

Jinx.. i like your pose...:)

BRATZ... Jinx, d ba me man na ang yellow?? why oh why nag-yellow you....

Me and Ma Shei...

Me and Jinx... (bag-o pa mata ang show...)

G, Jinx, Me and Ma Shei... Ma Shei.. you are so pretty dri hah.. d q malain..:)

BFF!!! BRATZ... Ma Shei, Me, G and Jinx.... YESS!!! ME na jud ang nag-yellow...

I LOVE YOU guys...!!! muah3x... Thanks for spending that day with me...

BRATtitude

(Carms-MaShei-Jinx-G)

No One Else Comes Close (piano)

Found this on Youtube.. and his version is nice..:)

MY ULTIMATE CRUSH (N.O.E.)

In a girl's life, there is always that ultimate crush among thousands of crushes. He may not be your big love but he sure owns a part in your heart.. Your ultimate crush tends to live within you for the rest of your days for the very reason that he is the one person who has everything that you prefered for in a guy... and usually, ultimate crush will stay as ultimate crush because this person will never be yours... he is your highschool dream blind date.. he also could be your 6th grade cutest classmate.. or he is that college basketball hotshot you want to have as your grad ball date.. bottomline is, he is that close-to-perfect guy who was never yours.

I had my ultimate crush when i was in highschool. He is everything a girl could fall into. He is so damn atractive, the kind who can attract attention even if he is just sitting in a corner without a care in the world. He appears very mysterious, so behave, so neat (He always has clean fingernails and his school uniform, a white polo shirt stays clean the whole day at school), so quiet and he has got those soulful eyes that whenever i look at him, i would be drowned and transcended into another reality. He has a band (don't know if he still has one at this time), he does that piano thingy and the vocals. He loves music a lot that is why even if i am too scared to sing, i joined that music org we had at school just to spend more time with him.. he knows me and i know him but we are never friends. We've been classmates long enough during my highschool years but i can't even remember a time where we engaged in a long conversation. There are a lot of times though when he would just sit next to me and God knows how many times my heart does that somersault thing everytime. But the thing that irritates me is, he would just sit next to me and throughout the entire time he is sitting right next to me, he will say nothing.. so what i did each time it happens is i will just remember the moment and feel each fuss he makes beside me while saying nothing too.. (yeah stupid but i guess that's part of highschool life, the tameme thingy). The most treasured moment was when he sat right next to me and after a while he sang No One Else Comes Close by Joe. I can't forget that moment.. I was busy daydreaming over westlife (that was the time my liking to that boyband is at its highest) while waiting for the CAT formation to come full circle when there he was... walking towards me and he sat right next to me. He didn't say a word as usual and then he sang that song.. I felt my hands sweating, my heart had that abnormal beating and i wished the ground would swallow me so i would disappear. I can't put into words the kilig churva i felt at that time.. i am sure though that it was beyond normal. After he sang the entire song (imagine that!!!), he said nothing so i just pretended i did not notice or care that he sang.. I somehow acted busy flipping over my notes.. and after a few minutes, he walked away leaving me behind. Maybe if it happened now, i think i could pull off a few lines like 'ganahan ka ana na song?' or 'kinsa gakanta ana' or whatever just to save the moment.. i hate to say but that moment was just wasted away.. but i can't blame myself since i was like 15 years old, i didn't know what to do.The thing is.. i can't seem to give logic why he would sit right next to me and say nothing and sang that song...! Maybe he likes me too:) toink! nope,.. because i believe that when a guy likes a girl.. he will renounce what he feels sooner or later.. and in his case, he never did.. he never said anything. He has years in highschool to say it out loud but he never did... so i think he doesn't feel the same way. Maybe he just likes to sing at that time beside me. Another i-like-moment with him was that time when School's X'mas party was approaching and he approached me suddenly and said "kanta kiss me inig party.. kami man band". He said the words so fast, he didn't even blink and i wasn't able to say anything coz everything happened so fast and he surprised me that i just stared at him and after a few seconds, when i finally calmed down and was about to say "sige", he said "pero murag okay ra man sad si ___ lang ang mokanta" He refered my other classmate who also knows how to sing. And i just nodded. I really hated myself for not being able to say yes immediately, i could have sang for him... but it was his fault also.. he shouldn't have surprised me like that.. He should have at least said my name and said the words in a normal manner.. he said it too fast like he was out of breath.. but i've to say i really like it that he personally asked me to sing:) It was nice... hek hek...But anyway, it was all in the past now. And i still like the song No One else but the feeling i had for him was long gone. (I like the song eversince he sang that song next to me, hihihi) I realized last year that what i felt was long gone.. coz after highschool graduation, i still miss him and since i had my college years in USC and he had his in 'University of Sekreto:)'... i sometimes went there after my class coz My Agaw Blessie attended in that University too.. hoping to just have a glimpse of him... (see, ultimate crush is ultimate crush.. they are the ones who could make you do stupid illogical things) and even one of my beloved bitches Feebee Tinks got crazy over the fact that i told her to befriend him thru text... so until i graduated from college, i sometimes thought i still have that magical churva for him.. but i was mistaken. Because just late last year.. we met and we actually talked..! hihihi.. and then i noticed that i chatted with him like he is just a nobody.. like just some old friend and then i knew.. what i have felt for him has been long gone.:) Another proof is this thing i am doing right now.. updating my thing for him on my blog.. if i still have that heart-pumping thing for him.. naks! I will never make an entry about it for the world to know... kakahiya...! Since he is just an ordinary guy in my eye right now.. i couldn't care even if he would know that he was my 'silent song' way back in highschool.....

He still is so cute and is still a head-turner.. hihihihi.. but unlike before, he no longer makes my heart skip a beat.. maybe because right now, i have seen someone else.. not close-to-perfect like him but he has his own thing which makes me notice him too:) I wonder what that person has been doing lately.. hhmmm... churva lang..!

AGAW BLESSIE'S TEXT MESSAGE

I received a text message from one of my first cousins.. the one who is having the same age as me and at that moment i was really tired because of work but when i read her message, i seemed to have gained my energy back.. my heart felt like being squeezed and right there and then, i missed my Mom so much that i want to go home and say "Ma, labad q sa ulo and i never get to say this kay corny ra but i love you so and i can't live without you and Papa."

Her text went like this:

"Just about to close my eyes then i realized I missed her -- A lot actually. And i am again reminded of her warmth and smile. You are damn lucky to still have your Mom. Thank God for it."

It was a simple message yet, the pain is there and you can actually feel it. We are super close not just because we are born of the same year but also because we are both 'unica ihas'. We call each other 'Agaw'. She calls me Agaw Carmcy and I call her Agaw Blessie. We are also alike in a lot of ways. We are both smart, sexy and pretty.. nyahahaha.. seriously, we are both hopeless romantics and we love writing... poems, love stories plus we both go out with different guys but is ever loyal basta naa nai sugton, pakamatyan pa gani, hilakan ug pila ka balde.. joke.. the only difference between us is she will move heaven and earth for love unlike me na mo-give-up dayon.. nagdako lang ang huna-huna. She said even a freight train could not stop me when my heart tells me to do it.. to fight for it.. but actually, that description best describes her.. it does not describe me at all.. coz i am a freakin scaredy-cat when it comes to fighting for love. If i can feel that the guy is hesitant towards me.. tumpak! Mourong, makigbuwag jud dayon ang show.. I always need assurance and i need that the guy lay all his cards before i will fight with him.. i need to know he is for real first before fighting with everything that i have unlike her.. idol jud ka na q Gaw..! You are never scared... Between us, i am the one always saying 'wala koi paki' but i do.. i really do especially when people's piercing eyes seem to judge me and i can somehow feel my partner's grip has weakened.. but my Agaw Blessie?? Naks.. she will say nothing but she does what satisfies her.. quebz to those f*ckin lunatics na walai lain mahimo except to make libak and all.. I witnessed how she loves her Paul-man so much.. how she fought for him.. how she was able to marry him in the end and to have his oh-so-lovable baby... most of all, how she made him into a stronger man worthy for her love.. Her constant love chaged Paul so much.. Her love is amazingly unique, theirs is a lovestory fit to become a blockbuster romantic movie.

My only wish for her is.. May she with Paul, their little angel Niko and their upcoming baby receive all the blessings and happiness because she deserves it so much. She is a good person, a great cousin and a true friend.. Mas psyc pa gani ni xa na q kay mas mau ni xa modala ug counseling churva... plus, this woman is really smart.. love ra jud iya weakness.. but then, a person's weakest point is also his strongest..:)

Gaw, i love you.. muah! I know we do not see each other like we used to (talk about how work makes our butts busy) but know that I am always here when you need me. I am one call away! You are a mother now and a good one too.. Your Mom is with HIM already, in a peaceful place and i know she is proud of you and is always watching over you, smiling and saying "she's my baby and i am lucky GOD made me her Mother" for every achievement you have. I hope I will become stronger like you.